Long ago I went to Europe for the first time. I encountered a “bidet” and loved the fact that I could wash myself really clean with a minimum of fuss. It’s for washing your nether-bits and is like toilet next to the toilet but it has water running into it for washing. Very civilized and when you are done you are really clean.
I made up my mind that when I grew up, I wanted a bidet in my house. Years later, I was still bidet free. However, a trip to the Middle East changed that.
I went to a destination wedding in Dubai, the fabled city in the United Arab Emirates (UAE). Everywhere you went there was a sprayer attached to the wall next to the toilet in every bathroom, public and private. What were they for? How did they work? Since I didn’t run into other women with whom I might strike up a conversation about this piece of equipment, I just kept my questions to myself and thought I might look it up later.
It turns out that device is known as a shattaf and it’s my key to owning a bidet of my own at last! It is something like the sprayer you can get on your kitchen sink, the kind which sit next to the faucet. After you are through in the bathroom, you take off the shattaf, turn on the water and spray yourself with warm water to get really clean. Whole process takes very little time and you are Clean when you are through. Toilet paper is too absorbent to be really gentle because it’s going to stick to you and disintegrate, it’s meant to do that to keep the pipes from clogging up.
American bathrooms don’t have any room for a bidet, bidets are very expensive to buy and install, and you have to clean out a bidet after you use them (or you should…think about it). A shattaf is small, inexpensive, doesn’t have to be cleaned every time you use it, easy and inexpensive to install, and unobtrusive in general.
In the next installment of True Bathos I will tell you about how I found a hand held bidet in the USA. It wasn’t easy but there were some amusing moments there. This tale of questing and suspense over bathroom fixtures is brought to you by Possets Perfume, Bottled Happiness!